Over It

Writing my novel after earning my BA in Creative Writing 12 years ago, was so liberating. The entire process was really fun and uplifting. Telling my boss, my godmother, and my best friend was thrilling. Actually following through and finishing a project was a rare treat. And then that all stopped. 

This sounds so cliché, but I am burnt out on querying because the marketing side of this process just feels...incredibly unnatural. I don't know how to market, I don't know how to monetize my art, and I feel overwhelmed trying to navigate the whole process. I feel like every query I've sent comes off boring and stiff. My novel and myself are neither. 

When I got my first few rejections I actually felt delighted. I felt like I was a real writer. Everyone gets rejected so it felt like I had gained membership to the real writers club. After those first few, each rejection started to sting a bit more than the last. I'm at 11 so far and all the charm is gone, like I'm now a member of the slush pile club. Writing my novel made me feel so good about myself, while the querying and rejections are taking that all away.

I am not sharing this for pity or sympathy. I merely sharing my feelings. I know I should be proud for finishing a novel, and I am. I know I should be proud that I set out to do something and did it, and I am. I know that sometimes people query for years and years and that that overnight success story is extraordinary rare. I know that self publishing is an option. I know that I should keep my momentum going and remember to breathe. 

I guess what I'm over is the 'in the meantime' part of this journey. I know one way or another I'll get my story out there. The start of this process was good and it will end well. It's just the middle, the now, that is hard to navigate. 

Deep breath and sally forth.


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