Unmet

I find that I am always 

Where I don't want to be 

Nothing is as it should

I have no control in me



Overlooked and ignored 

The bottom of a slush pile

Will it ever happen 

Or am I doomed to fake my smile



Unsatisfied all the time

A life so bland, so vanilla

I have the princess Diana of jobs

But I want the Camilla 



I just want so much more

To be able to create and enjoy

Finding value rather than 

 Destined to watch my soul destroy 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Summer Reading

It's so simple, really.  I took the kids that I nanny to the library to sign them up for the summer reading program, thrilled that both have a love of reading and honored to foster the joy of reading.  The way their program works is the child gets rewarded for time spent reading. To mark this, you get to put different beads onto a necklace. The beads represent units of time, and each bead gets bigger and better with each increment. The 15-minute beads are small and basic; the 4-hour beads are large and animal shaped, etc.  I took this to mean, for example, you could choose 4, 15-minute beads or 1, 1-hour bead, and that was that. However, the librarian explained to the kids that if they decided they wanted to trade in, say, 4 small beads for the one-hour bead, that was fine. All summer long, they could trade beads as their minds and tastes changed.  As this trivial information hit me, I reflexively flinched, thinking about how this whole scenario would have gone in my...
Read more

I Knew It

That vile, vicious monster is still here. Always will be. Why do I bother? It's not like I actually literally saved your life, so fuck my drag. This waste of skin and organs literally showed on TWO different occasions that it didn't care if you lived. But definitely prioritize it over me. Thanks. I feel so special. Fuck you, it, and the web of lies and bullshit. Merry goddamn Christmas. 
Read more

Yesterday / This Morning

Yesterday at work, facing a large horizontal window that has a huge verticle window to its left, I saw in rapid succession; a yellow butterfly, a hummingbird, and a dragonfly. So, as I sit waiting (one hundred days), I saw the symbol for imagination/happiness, the Native American symbol for integrity/hard work, and the symbol for hope/change/love. Signs. So many signs. So many days.  This morning, I woke up confused. My alarm interrupted a dream that I think I've had before. At least, the setting seemed very familiar. But it couldn't be. I was in a late 60s/early 70s record store. And it wasn't vintage-style things; it was actually a perfectly preserved time capsule. The carpet was worn, the boxes of records were disintegrating. That wonderful musty smell hung in the air. I felt nervous like I didn't belong.  Then, a bunch of people walked through an entrance I hadn't noticed before. I looked where they came from, and it was an immense hallway with a pink and brown ...
Read more