This Time of Year

Halloween is over, daylight savings ends on Sunday, and everyone is effectively celebrating Christmas. This is my least favorite time of year.

I'm trying to not be depressed, I'm trying to smile and not roll my eyes when I see the tacky red and green decorations, I'm trying to feign happiness and contentment but I don't think I'm succeeding. 

It's hard to fake it when I know I'll be freezing until April...when the sun sets before dinner...when snow is coming...and my novel, which once made me kind of happy again...is now the bane of my existence. I'm embarrassed I announced to the world that I wrote a novel, since no one wants to read it or will have anything to do with it. 

I was a depressed, miserable, negative, anxious mess in high school, worse than a dumpster fire. I'm rapidly falling back into that, after swearing I never would. 

Life isn't what I expected or planned. I'm completely unfulfilled. I feel like a loser at all times. It's getting harder to fake it. 

But fake it I will. I just need to pretend for five solid months, until the spring, when at least there's nicer weather to look forward to. 

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