Another One

*An excerpt from my memoir*


My mom decided to go back to work when I was about nine. By this time, I was four years deep in my panic attacks and anxiety, issues that would only be dealt with when I was in my early twenties and on my own. Naturally, this big change in my life left me feeling sheer terror.

I had only recently transferred to my current school and most of the kids thought I was weird.  I had a couple of friends, but none that lived nearby, so it was doubtful they'd be on my bus route. 

Would I get picked on and teased more, being a bus kid? What if I had one of those...'things?' (I wouldn't learn the words 'panic attack' for years.)

While having one of those 'things' I remember going to mom, heart pounding,

"Who'll take care of me?" I blurted out.  "How will I get to school?"

She chose to ignore the first question and snapped,

"The bus! How else?" My heart was beating like a bass drum, it was surely going to explode right out of me.

"But I don't want to! I'm scared!" I'd probably throw up later. I threw up all the time as a kid, another (ignored) anxiety symptom.

My only response, as I stood there, a desperate and grey-faced nine year old girl, was,

"Get over it."

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