Open Eyes

It's clarity, that relief I feel. Until my mid-twenties, I was deeply enveloped in survival mode. As I slowly emerged from that darkness, I moved into a haze. It was partially the aftermath of decades of fear and exhaustion, and some of it was waiting. I had to wait and help both melt away. I couldn't wait for the haze to clear. I couldn't wait to see. Eventually, I knew what had to be done, but I wasn't strong enough. I didn't have clarity yet. But it came. It came, and I could see and feel and want. Oh, did I want. I never thought I would get what I so dearly craved, but I did. I did, and it's better than imagined and better every day. I want to be better, brighter, stronger. I want to make up for lost time and make up for decades of not seeing, not believing, not feeling. I believe in myself now. I'm done with survival mode, autopilot, haziness, doubt, oblivion, and I'm here to feel and flourish and fly. I'm here to see.

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