My Younger Self

An anxious fearful mess

You had your first panic attack

Before the first grade



Mom never liked you

She loved your brother 

Dad yelled a lot



Cold at catholic school 

Mrs. Gleason delighted 

In bullying you every day



Changing to public school

The building with moldy carpets

Trying to be androgynously invisible 



Regional junior high

A cheerleader who didn't belong 

The blonde kid called you ugly, another spat in your locker 



Then we moved to a hick town 

Rotten start, poor in every way

Dark, choking, depression



High school, new school 

Bumbling, desperate, confused

Panic attacks up to eight times a day



I didn't want to go to college 

I didn't like it 

And to be honest, I still resent it...all of it



At least I can say

I am relieved and happy

To not know you anymore 








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