Author of the novel WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL

As I've mentioned many times on all my social media, I'm obsessed with Drag Queens. Some of my favorites are the legends Trixie and Katya.  On their YouTube show, UNHhhh, they'll often say something like "Listen, Mary," or "Sure, Brenda." Other names they've used include Barbara, and of course, Deborah.   The name use is a running gag and they'll use it in a funny and mocking way. Yesterday I called out, "OKAY, DEBORAH!" When I got cut-off in traffic. I forgot two small kids were in the car. "Who's Deborah?" "Do you know that woman in the car?" "Is her name Deborah? Howdya know?" "Is she your friend?" Oops. I started laughing, which lead to a chorus of, "What's funny? Is Deborah funny? Did she do something funny?" I laughed some more. I couldn't tell the kids that instead of my Deborah comment, I had wanted to yell,  "WHAT THE FUCK, ASSHOLE!" I laughed some more bef...

Mental health was not talked about when I was growing up Catholic(ish) in the '90's. (I am NOT Catholic now, and never identified as such, even when it was forced on me.) When I had my first panic attack at age five, I had no idea what the fuck was happening. I didn't have the words to explain what was happening. Until I was twenty-two, I suffered up to ten major panic attacks every day.  Imagine spending almost two decades believing you're crazy, feeling constantly terrified, having trouble breathing, and having no explanation, information, or solace. Imagine being five and thinking that was just life- constantly panicking to the point of getting physically sick.  I bring all this up to highlight what an utter inspiration Simone Biles is. The courage she had to muster to do what she did. If I had seen a young woman do something like that when I was a kid? Maybe I could've saved myself years of torment. Simone, at the end of the day, is human. And I'm in awe tha...

I've been thinking of something Fred and George Weasley call out in movie four a lot lately- "You don't know what you're doing!" It applies to a lot of people. Myself included.  Note- while I love Harry Potter, I hate JKR. I find, among other things, her anti-trans sentiments to be unspeakably vile and cruel. 

I know my novel is good and I know people would read it. I know it's an important story that's contemporary and multi-layered. I know it can be cross-marketed as literary, book club, and romance.  I've been querying my debut novel for 42 days. I've sent out 41 queries. I have heard back from 8 agents, all rejections. Honestly though, I feel like some of these responses are from places that don't actually read the query, but who knows. I know that I am more likely to be struck by lightning and win the lottery than to have overnight success with my novel. I know that it's important to get used to hearing 'no' and to never give up.  With all that said, I keep thinking of the Ted Lasso quote, "it's the hope that kills you." I have so much hope for my book, for publication, and my dream to read my novel at my local Barnes and Noble. But sometimes that hope hurts, physically hurts, because it's 'just' hope and not reality.  To make my...

I've never done drugs and I don't drink or smoke. The highs I crave come from bargains. My maternal grandmother would have 20 gold medals if bargain shopping were an Olympic sport. She taught the importance of stretching your money to my mother, and it's the one thing my mother passed on to me that wasn't cruel or abusive. While other people seek out name brands at full price or the seasons newest trends, I'm happiest when I'm at a thrift store, flea market, or the like.  Do I love designer labels? Hell yeah. Do I love the price? Gross. Give me Michel Kors, Calvin Klein, Tommy Hilfiger, or Ralph Lauren, but give me last seasons stuff or the factory outlet steals. Once, when scouting the shelves of the L.L. Bean cleanace rack, I came across a gorgeous pair of blue and purple suede boots. They had an original price tag of $199. They were on the 'last chance!' rack for $10, but had a yellow sticker, which meant an extra 50% off the lowest price. I nearly cr...

Endemic of Crystal Springs  South along The east and west  Shinning like beaded jewelery  Thamnophis sirtalis  Elusive in creeks Shadowed in marshy wetlands Seeking brackish waters  Aqua anguine Scarlet and onyx Contra Costa Santa Cruz Mountains  Complex internal resonances  Backbarrier lagoon Tetrataenia 

Years ago, I bought two tickets for my Dad and I to see his first Broadway play. It was non-musical and history based, right up his ally.  After exploring New York City all day, we lined up at the small theaters side entrance. I was so excited! I mean, how could you not be, it's Broadway!  As we waited in line, I told my Dad that we should silence and put away our phones, and stash our sunglasses, I have always been a stickler for proper theater etiquette. I put my regular glasses on, then placed my silenced phone and sunglasses into my tiny purse and zipped it up. My Dad and I started to chat.  Seconds later, a yellow taxi pulled up and a tall man with a shoulder bag and sunglasses jumped out of the backseat, yelling his thanks as he closed the cab door and rushed onto the sidewalk.  My mouth sprang open, my lower jaw dangerously close to hitting the pavement.  The man dashed over to the theater door, accidentally bumped into my left shoulder, tilted his head i...