Author of the novel WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL

While I've never been one for inspirational posters or sayings, weary they're just toxic positivity, I came across something I think it's best I remember: "Don’t let past relationships ruin your future happiness. Scars remind us of where we’ve been, not where we are going."  -Unknown I try to remind myself that I am not that broken little girl anymore. That past hurt is in the past. It's easier said than done, but I hope I'm getting better. I have no place for an inner saboteur, especially when the invasive worries are baseless, and the future is bright with love. 

Very different sisters occupy a living room in a modest house on the West coast. The older is sitting in an armchair, deep in thought while preoccupied with her top-of-the-line iPhone. The younger is stretched out on the couch, absentmindedly braiding a small strand of hair. Sadie- I think you can tell a lot about someone by which Ninja Turtle they identify with.  Piper- What are you, seven? Sadie- What are you, a pompous ass? Piper- Haha. Sadie- I'm serious. Piper- Yeah, me too.  Sadie- Ugh, climb down off your high horse. Let loose a little. Stop acting so-- Piper- Don't say it! Sadie- Fucking old! Piper yanks the heavy pillow out from behind her back and throws it at Sadies face, and the two sisters dissolve into laughter.  Sadie- Don't hate me because I'm sixteen and a half years younger than you.  Piper- Sixteen and a half years. I had a great run being the only child. Sadie- Too bad it took Mom and Dad so long to realize you weren't adequate for them.  Piper-

Sleeping in, waking up in a sunbeam Cuddles and laughter Late breakfast, iced coffees  A breezy, happy day  Pleasure in the smallest of things  Orchard visits, circle desks  More coffee, much laughter  Dinner and kisses  As time speeds like lightning 

I started a novel about five or so years ago. This got cut, but I thought it was kind of cute. Character names have been changed in case I ever go back to writing this one.  I curled up on Parker's couch with my iced coffee and the oversized comforter he kept in the living room, waiting for him to wake up. I gazed out the white window frame, taking in the city morning. The crinkled leaves of early November swirled lazily around quick feet and street signs while a slight fog floated over the Charles river as the honking of car horns made a little song of impatience.  My city watch ended when I heard, "Bridget? You still here?"  "On the couch!" I replied.  I grabbed the TV remote off the end table and queued up the movie, then headed to the kitchen to pour Parker some coffee. I met him in his bedroom doorway. He had on thick socks and grey sweatpants, no shirt, and was fervently rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake up. I grinned and kissed his cheek good morning

"Your life has been like a sitcom this week!" "I know. Believe me, I know." "How do you always find yourself in these kinds of situations?" She raised her eyebrow and smirked, "Really? Are you actually asking that?" "No, I'm not. But it was nice to see you smile." "I don't have time to smile." "Too busy saving the world?" "This community, anyway." I picked up my iced coffee in a toast, "I admire your perseverance. You're basically doing the work--" "Unpaid!" I nodded, "You're doing the unpaid work of about five people. And doing it well. You're very impressive."

The good guys have waited for so long; please let tomorrow be the day. I'm not necessarily holding my breath, but I can hope. Going to drink some orange alcohol to celebrate. Fingers crossed. 

 Reassurance. Comfort. Letting out a breath you've been holding for months. Precious gourds, acorns, pleas to the archangel Raphael. Looking to the future and making plans. Repose. 

(Blog title is a Paul Simon lyric from The Boy in the Bubble.) I usually jump at the chance to do any type of traveling. When work asked, almost a year ago, if I'd meet them down the coast to help them out with a family wedding, I said yes, but insisted I didn't want to stay longer than was necessary. Glad I made that choice. Not glad that I ever agreed to go. It's funny how priorities change, how everything changes, really. Giving up becomes rejuvenation. Apathy becomes bravery. Emptiness becomes unbridled joy and love. ...Today is exhaustion; yesterday was wonder. Maybe the coming days can be the miracle. After all, " Medicine is magical and magical is art," and "I believe..."

With less than one week till spring, we get over two feet of snow. It's been coming down since last night around 9 pm or so. The storm is now supposed to last until 1 am. I repeat, less than one week till spring. Six days. This better be winter's last hurrah until Christmas. Bah, humbug. 

What beautiful words, from short stories, from poems. Words from the heart. Words about me. Swooning. Proud. Joyful and grateful. Braggadocious in that I get to be yours. When did life become a fairy tale?

Ah, the turkey vulture.  "What happens if a vulture vomits on you? It would probably be gag-inducing to all who passed by. Carrion-eating vultures take this scenario one step further when in harm's way. Their defensive vomit is foul-smelling enough to drive away predators.  If enemies approach too closely, the high amount of acid in the vomit is strong enough to burn them as well." Image and facts from a basic google search.

"I'm broken, insecure. I hide from realities, from myself, under blankets on this patio chair. I'm not okay!" I ran my hands through my purple pixie cut, then pulled the strings on my fleece hoodie tighter around my neck as my tears fell. I slid my feet towards my body and rested my cheek on my knees. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I knew she'd be gone. Instead, I heard,  "I sleep with a stuffed unicorn and avoid grocery shopping at any cost. Maybe we're all 'broken,' but that doesn't make us any less worthy of love."

"Maybe love is gently showing the other person that superficial things they hate about themselves are actually lovely. Maybe it's the kind reassurance that they're a treasure." I looked up from my hands and into the eyes of my best friend, whose eyebrow was raised.  "I can't believe you, of all people..." "Me of all people what!?" "Didn't you used to blanch at the thought of romance, affection, mushy things- all that stuff?" I shrugged, "Yeah, maybe I used to, but not anymore. Everything has changed for the better. I'm happy all the time." "I can tell. It suits you."

" When he suggested going for a long walk around the city, I was ecstatic. I didn't know if it was the familiarity of the neighborhoods, or walking hand in hand with the love of my life, or all of it, or what. But maybe not being able to pinpoint it was part of the appeal. Whatever the reason, I was more than happy to get dressed and venture out that morning.  We'd left the house with small to-go cups of coffee and strolled for blocks, chatting, pausing to kiss each other, taking in the people and the sounds, pointing out silly little things that made us laugh..."

"I'll be away then. I don't want to be." "It's okay." "Is it?" "Of course." "I don't know; I feel absolutely awful. The timing really sucks." "Well, what is time anyway?" "Haha, very funny." "I made you smile, didn't I?" "You always make me smile. You're just..." "Just what?" "My happiness."  "Me? Really?" "Of course, really! You're the best thing that ever happened to me, truly." "Truly, huh?" I shifted so I could place my hands on the face that made my heart skip, "Truly. I love you." "I love you too. Everything will be okay. It has to be."