Author of the novel WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL

I have been thinking of my English degree. For instance, where is it? I never got it framed. Is it in my attic? My parents house? Did I throw it out? I honestly have no clue. What a strange use of time and money that was.  As John Mulaney so accurately put it: " What kind of a cokehead relative is my college?… What did I get for my money? What is college?… I went to college, and I have no idea what it was… By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was seventeen years old, with no attorney present. That’s illegal!… They pulled me out of high school; I was in sweat pants, all confused. Two guys in clip-on ties are like, “Come on, son, do the right thing. Sign here and you’ll be an English major.” I was like, “Okay.” That’s right, you heard me: an English major… I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen, and then I didn’t. That’s the worst use of 120 grand I can possibly fathom." Dude, same. Except I "only" had to take out $11,000 in loans. ...

 ...if all this work in vain? In the sense that, what if my novel never gets published? Yes, good for me for writing it. For finishing it, and sending out queries- talk about feeling vulnerable! But also, what's the point if no one ever reads it? There is the old saying, 'if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it make a sound' so concurrently, if a novel is written but never read, does it matter?  This whole writing escapade has been such a weird journey. And not just since February, when I started my book... Mid 2005- declares as a Creative Writing major Sept 2005- starts on the path for said degree 2007-2008- submits various works to the college lit mag, that get published. One piece is a poem/ode to my eating disorder and how much I love it and thrive on being skinny. No one says anything. 2008- takes a wonderfully fulfilling class with esteemed author and truly amazing professor, Andre Dubus III 2009- takes another fantastic class with aforementioned aut...

Some of my biggest inspirations are drag queens.  There were times when I wanted to stop writing my novel, there were times where I was going to give up and delete everything, but I didn't. There were various factors that kept me going. But one I kept turning to, was drag queens. I've been binging UNHhhh, staring Trixie Mattel and Katya on YouTube for weeks. They helped me alot, just by being their funny, wonderful selves. I especially found inspiration in Trixie, because instead of letting her childhood traumas hold her back, she used them as a spring board.  Drag Race, of course, has also been a constant presence, whether for inspiration, or a good laugh, or to just enjoy life. Drag queens are just...awesome!  Sometimes I tell myself: Laugh like Trixie Joke like Bianca Sing like Rosé Look over there like Jada  Have confidence like Violet Dance like Brooke Lynn Be kind like BenDeLa Overcome like Katya  Smile like Olivia Be incredible like Gigi

 Agreed, Reginald. Today, I am both angry and excited. I got my first rejection letter. I am part 'how dare you' and part 'wow, I'm a real writer now!'  I was sitting lakeside at the beach at work, when I KNEW an email had come. My phone doesn't make noise when I get emails, and it was stashed away in my beach bag, at least four feet away. But I knew. As I glared at my phone I ran through a gamut of emotions. Rage. Hurt. Disbelief. Encouraged. Fine, let's get this out of the way. Most authors get rejected. It's going to happen. And as I remembered to breathe, I couldn't help but hear Reginald, the boy with the flu from School House Rock in my head. He sings the song; "IN-ter-jec-tions!" Except in my head Reginald sang; "I'M re-jec-ted! Yow! That's not fair!" Maybe it's not fair. But maybe my fire is fueled like never before. Query time!

My novel took me four months to write, and practically took up my entire life, around the clock. I'd be driving and have to pull over to write down an idea. Or I'd grab a pen at a stop light and scribble something down. A couple times, I woke up and had to grab my phone so I could write. When the kids at work napped or had an activity, I pulled out my phone and started to write. (Yes, I wrote a 96,000 word novel on an android phone.) There were many times when I wanted to take my phone and chuck it out the window or delete everything I had written. There were times when I thought I was the worst writer in the world, or thought, who the fuck am I to write a book?  Throughout my novel writing journey, I had two main cheerleaders, and later a third, who inspired me to keep going, and they made all the difference.  My godmother, Donna, was the first to know about my project. She's a financial queen/genius by day and a screenwriter and blogger by night. She always encouraged me ...

I very rarely write poems, but of everything I've written; poems, short stories, essays, my novel, poems are what's been published the most often.  One such poem was originally featured in The Offering in 2008. Please enjoy: Woman Alone She had that long and wavy hair Free and untamed, just like her It hung in her face, making a frame Strands forming a security blanket She was asked about her past Her hometown  The place she grew up It was that question  That made her pain  Buried so deep inside her  Come out It bloomed like a flower Starving for the sun But she was strong  She didn't want anyone to notice So she just laughed She laughed her pain away It was a flower she had to kill But I saw it Just for a moment I saw it

Six days, six queries.  As a chronic nervous wreck, I feel like I should be more nervous sending these out. However, I'm almost 35 and I'm tired of apologizing for having talent or ambition. I'm tired of sitting on my writing ability and not doing anything with it.  I guess the strange part of this writing journey is the social media. I don't know what I'm doing! Twitter makes me feel old and I still don't know if my website is any good. I mean, it is just a picture and a basic description.  But with all this said, I am very excited that I even made it to this stage of the writing game. It's been a long journey. From writing little poems and stories here and there, to getting my B.A. in Creative Writing, and then taking 12 years off, it feels great to finally have direction, to be going somewhere. 

My novel was inspired by the May 26, 2020 article entitled 'The Remaking of Steve Buscemi,' which was featured on GQ.com I came across this story around early February of 2021, and it sparked something in me. I was moved by the writing, but more than anything, I was inspired by the humble way in which Mr. Buscemi came off. I was also touched by his strength and determination to go on after the passing of his long-time wife. The fact that this famous and successful man could still be so kind and hopeful after everything, truly struck a chord with me. Shortly after reading the article, actually, before I had even put my phone down, a story, a novel, popped into my head.  I couldn't shake the image of Mr. Buscemi in the black Tom Ford ensemble, in the hopeful yet playful pose that photographer Gabriella Paiella had captured. With that, CYPSELAE was born. Now, CYPSELAE has a character based loosely on Mr. Buscemi, but the protagonist is a 34 year old woman, based loosely on mys...

 I did it! More than 12 years after getting my B.A. in English, I finally did something with my degree.  I. Wrote. A. Novel. Starting around the second week of February 2021 or so, I started toying with an idea for a novel. That's happened to me a million times, but this time, I followed through and finished! Woo! This is a big deal for me because when I graduated in 2009, this was in the aftermath of the economy totally collapsing. No one was hiring. Long sob story short, I gave up writing for about the next ten years. I took a break from my hiatus to heal and pen a memoir regarding abuse I suffered as a child, and then did no writing for another two years.  While I am proud of my memoir, and proud that I faced my demons, my heart belongs to fiction, and I am thrilled that I am writing it again! My debut novel, CYPSELAE, is a 95,000 word work of literary fiction. I am actively seeking representation and if I may be so candid, I am loving this writing journey for me! Stay...