Author of the novel WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL

I watched an Instagram clip today that said women often go, on average, ten years longer than men (the video was gendered; apologies for the lack of non-binary inclusivity) do to get their ADHD diagnosis. I wish I were surprised, but I'm not. I was 34 when I got my diagnosis, and that came about 30 years too late. It's so sad and exhausting to constantly hear stories of women being overlooked, ignored, or dismissed by doctors. How is this the norm? But I suppose the better question is why. 

swoop·​stake ˈswüp-ˌstāk. obsolete. : in an indiscriminate manner.

Anxiety grasps the throat And twists and tangles the stomach It's ceaseless, panoptic The blinding black cloud Pounding Grabbing Trashing the brain Utter panic

Frizzy tangled mane Brown waves of chaos Bangs in a half sunburst The elves have been busy

You're an always Not a for now You're my favorite  Not going to change  You're my future  Not just my now

Saw GNR at Fenway with great company. 26 song setlist in the heavy rain. The big three were, of course, absolutely amazing. By far my favorite band. 

Tyromancy [TIE-roh-man-see] (n.) - A form of fortune-telling by way of observation of the fermentation & coagulation of cheese. From Greek “tyros” (cheese) + “-mancy” (divination by means of)” from Old French “-mancie" from Late Latin “-mantia" from Greek “manteia” (oracle, divination) from “mantis mantis” (one who divines, a seer, prophet; one touched by divine madness) from “mainesthai” (be inspired). Used in a sentence: “Who could have guessed that your lovely wedding gift, that antique fondue pot once owned by the famous Madame d’Esperance, would have led me to the lucrative avocation of tyromancy.” ________

gri·mal·kin / ɡrəˈmalkən / noun ARCHAIC noun :  grimalkin ;  plural noun :  grimalkins a cat (used especially in reference to its  characteristically   feline  qualities).

It's July 20, 2016, and I'm at Gillette Stadium, in Foxboro, Massachusetts, for the Guns N' Roses concert, part of the Not In This Lifetime tour, which is their first tour with most of the original members since 1993, and I am seated in section 223 and quite convinced that this concert is too good to be true and will somehow get canceled  "Did you see that!?" I screamed at my brother  as I punched his arm

Kid in a Candy Store / Prisoner My dad looked at the Hoover Dam And though forty, he seemed like he was ten I was in eighth grade And this 'wall' was hellishly boring 

I have a hard enough time reading direct social interactions and an impossible time reading written ones. I almost always assume the tone is angry unless it's a trusted friend/loved one. It's been a hard enough road with certain things, without 'jokes' and hinted cruelty. I am autistic. I mask at work. I have depression and anxiety. I don't appreciate such rudeness. 

Cactus can be really tall  I was thirteen (Northern) when I learned this I guess I knew their spikes could touch heaven And strangely, I wanted to hug them  I wrote this poem in a few minutes yesterday when I had the privilege of attending an excellent poetry workshop. I might rework it or try to expand upon it. 

Sincerely regretting letting anxiety get the better of me. Yes, I had some stress, but no, it is not an excuse to act like an asshole. I hope that I can remember not to let my emotions get the better of me. I'm disappointed I let some late HS/early college destructive patterns slip through. When I look around, I have everything I've wanted, and it's better than what I wanted. May this serve as a reminder to me should I ever let the bad slip through. 

Grey and large and hovering humid The rainiest of summers The sky is full and always dark Large, pelting drops

When I was a junior in college, I spent a large chunk of my time with my then (emotionally abusive) boyfriend. We were going to stay with my parents for a couple of nights around Christmastime. My brother, who had failed out of his freshman year of college, had received a video game system for his present. When I sat down with my boyfriend to open gifts, he got a large book on samurai, and I got some toothpicks. They had pictures of small pumpkins on the top, and as my mother insisted, "You like Halloween!" my boyfriend, an absolute prick who treated me like trash, was appalled. We packed up and drove the forty minutes to his place in the cold. 

God, I hate driving. My commute is long and endless. Massachusetts. The utmost in luxury would be to have a driver. And to no longer stare at tail lights.  Illinois. I wonder how many hours of my life I've spent on Rt 2? Jesus, the potholes.  New York. What's it like on other little highways? Drives to nowhere towns. California. Oh, that's a good one. I want to live there, to drive there right now. Florida. Gross, no, wrong coast. I want democracy, sunshine, dog beaches, and coffee dates. Connecticut.  For the wannabe New Yorkers who think they have postcode envy. The least liked New England state. Rhode Island.  Yuck, Long John donuts, and Pawtucket. Well, Newports become alright.  Missouri. I really want to tear up my license and never drive again. I think, though, that I'll always look for license plates.