Author of the novel WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL

The cockroach that won't die. It was stupid to believe she was gone. None of her abhorrent behavior has been the proverbial straw, so why would her worst, most selfish, and evil behavior be?  She is the dog shit on the bottom of the shoe that won't go away no matter how many times you wash it. The evil dictator wannabe who still has followers despite racism and too many despicable traits to list. It's like when people keep chain-smoking despite cancer, insisting it's not the cigarette. It fucking is. It's offensively ridiculous to say otherwise. And that's what it is with her. And how it'll always be.  I'm stuck with her. She taints and poisons everything. Fucking everything, and here she remains. No amount of her inhuman and villainous behavior will knock her off her pathetic throne. The choice has been made and it's her. Again. Always. 

When someone uses you, why do you let them? When someone shows you constantly that they don't give a shit about you, why do you accept this? When the people who love you most point out that this person is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, why don't you believe them? Why?  I have cried, and raged. A lot. I can't believe how much I have cried over this person, that you keep defending. I have begged you to see reason. Your friends have begged you to see reason. I have received nothing by gaslighting. Why?  This person has given me four nightmares, and is constantly my invasive thoughts. I have sat here, not quietly, and begged for this absolutely disgusting nightmare to stop. And it keeps going. Why? In a critical hour when you 'needed' this person the most, they gave you utter disregard. Will I still be gaslit after that incident? Probably.  Why?